Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Chelsi's story

It's been 25 years now since the first time I was hospitalised,the last time was last month.
I'm trying ECT. I'm so forgetful and so afraid that I stay this way. 
It was decided today after I totaled 3 cars in 2 years that I will no longer be allowed to drive, at least not for a while. 
I can feel dormant parts of myself come alive from the treatment, so I want to continue, to ride it out but it's so frightening at the same time. 
My disability runs out this month and they're still appealing SSI , so I'm applying for a job. 
The only one I can walk to, I took my "prescreening" today. .. let's hope I pass. I had it under control for like 8 years, I thought I was golden, that I had come out clean on the other end somehow. Alas, no, and my episodes are every bit as terrifying as they used to be.
People are distancing themselves from me out of self preservation and I can't say I blame them. 
My husband is a gift, but I see it in his eyes, how difficult I make things. ..I have a very strong core support system and if it weren't for their daily efforts, I just don't know. 
I thought for so long that it was over, I think I'm still reeling from the fact that it isn't and it may very likely never be.

Find more from Chelsi here

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